It was almost midnight, a cold chilling breeze blew while I was on my desk working on my project stuff when suddenly my system speakers gave out a pinging sound and on my screen a chat window flashes.
On the other end there is a person I heard and met a few times but who I thought actually doesn't know me. Sort of a Nomad I hardly come across and when I do I look upon with respect. That night I actually didnt expect him, mine being a red busy status but somehow he managed to ask me this question.
"Hey! Do you have a minute? "
Amazed by his ping not understanding what to reply to his text I waited for a few seconds and replied, "Yeah! Go ahead".
My head was still in thinking process about what he wanted to talk about. Would it be about technology or about studies or about a new coming up course? He is elder, much more experienced and I have just started, somehow it confused me. And then again a pinging sound touched my ear drums and I switched to the chat window.
"Well ... what do you do exactly ? you are still a student or an author or working for a company or all-of-the-above? and an artist too? "
My eyes went wide while I read his question in reply to my green available signal and a smile drew on my lips, my heart beats being pinched and having nothing to write on this I drew a smile in return to his question.
I didn't knew what to answer and how to answer this question. He was right, he just asked me about what all I have been doing this far! But why don't I have an answer to this question? I know I have been a above average student, working and earning for myself n i do have a passion for paintings and writing too but then why does it amaze him so much? What is it that is making him ask me this question?
There are so many people who might be doing so many things together I even haven't thought of and have reached the summit, made a name and have been successful making themselves shine forever. But why did this question pinch me then?
I went in front of the mirror and looked at myself for a few minutes and asked the same question again. Who am I and why do I do all this? For whom do I have to do so many things? And I felt as if I myself have the answers with me. I know why do I have to do this, I know I have to stand out from the crowd and so I have to do something different.
I work for knowledge not for living,I work because it teaches me how to manage things while I am completely screwed, I work because it gives me an experience of different types of people and atmosphere around, I work because it makes me bolder each day.
I study for knowledge so i could stand up in front of others with head up high saying I am educated and I have an idea about what they are discussing all the way. I study for I need to make my future not to be dependent on anybody in any sense for anything. I study because it makes me feel independent of having my own views and sharing them. I study for I need to know what is wrong and what is right.
I write for my own satisfaction for I need to know when I make mistakes, I need to correct them, I need to write everything for it gives me a reason to start from new, afresh again after my failure, i write because reading everything again gives me strength to redo things when they aren't successful.
I paint because I am Passionate about creativity, about arts, about colors, about nature, about the dreams I see with closed eyes. I paint what I feel like, happiness, anger - every emotion I can depict through paintings which I cant in writing all the time.
And the best part about all this is, no matter how bad I am screwed all these things help me to come out the bad and turn it upside down to good. These things help me take the right decisions and keep me grounded to who I am not letting me be something else And thats the reason I am the way I am.
While writing this I am still thinking about the Nomad person who I don't come across very often but I thank him from the core of my heart for asking me this question because it led me to finding of these answers I should have known long back!
